BELLTOWER

When you are with her

I die at every step

I take

Up the stairway

Of this belltower.

I leave

An aching part of me

Behind

To form another step

That leads down to Earth.

You dig a nail

Unto to my coffer

Everytime you say

Adieu

And leave

As if you didn't notice

A whole world 

Shaking to nothingness

Behind you.

I am resurrected

Everytime

The wind blows 

The roses away

To show the world

The ugliness of the thorns

Beneath.

Everytime

The sky turns blue

From all the wounds

The Sun burned into it

And we called it beautiful.

All the times

I hear you laugh

With her

Sounds of a symphony

Paralled

By my broken notes

Her fingers glide over the keys

Gently

Mine surrender 

At every note.

When I open my closed eyes

You show me

All that I could have taken with me

And bury me again

Consoling me

That sacrifice

Is to be reborn.

I wonder

If someone had to die 

So that the lilies beside the meadows

Could thrive.

You think I am glad to live 

In a lifeless story

To see no windows when I wake

But the worms of death that call me

Silently

I would have rather died

If that meant you could be happy.

But as the grave rots

With the promises of flowers

That would have been left at its door

I rise

It is yet to be morning.

I climb

Up the belltower

With no roof

I leave nothing behind

But all that would serve

As worthless remainders

Memories I would keep

Out of 

Heaven's door.

Odd bridges that never joined

The gaps between broken mountains.

The rail lines

That lead to stations

Where I kept on waiting for the whistle.

Smoke

That settled over the golden glow

From my window

Showing me 

What obscurity looked like.

Bleak horizons

At the distance

That looked so near

I could feel

Heaven and earth 

Collide.

For which the cold fireplace punished me

For I thought that is where 

We would lie.

I have almost reached the top now. 

Oh how small you seem

How insignificant 

How meaningless.

I need no instrument now

I have carved the cords

Of music

With bloodlines

Onto my spine.

I leap

The air falls with me

No I do not wish to fly

I have see the sky enough

To know that it ends 

Where our reasons lie.

I wish now for the even ground

I wish now for the hardness 

Of stability.

For I have been dancing on a plank of wood

That was balanced on a needle

Of your careless fancies.

Your gaze 

Made every part of me

I despised

Crack

Break

And shatter

Fall to a thousand pieces 

As many as the stars we hold

In one blink of our eyes.

It fell to your feet

And I let you shape it

With your feet

Stifling screams

For I was taught not to be weak

As I let you shape me

Like god shaped the young earth 

Until there was nothing left 

But 

The Feilds of Hell

And there I lay

As you taught me 

To call it heaven.